did it start with you and the news

i got in the car when my mom picked me up

from school two octobers ago??

did it start with the blackbird breaking his wings

when i stupidly believed he would fly on them forever?

or did it start with her and the spiral

out of control; counting calories and staring 

at my food like a hungry animal??

did it start with sleeves covering jay’s wrists in the summertime?

the smell of smoke in late july??

what about when rue disappeared for two months straight?

it’s no secret now where she was

remember when aria left without a word to anyone??

how about when tina relapsed?

or when aria decided she did want to let us in,

and sent her location because of who she was going to go out with

i can list more names, more things

that have happened on my watch 

i just don’t think i can handle it all coming back

up to the surface

selfishly, i want so badly to forget